I’m not sure if it’s having an infant in the house again, or the fact that we’re now a family of 5 instead of 4… there’s definitely a different family dynamic. It not a bad thing, but it something we’re still getting used to.
While the girls adore their new little sister, I sometimes worry that they feel neglected or that I like the baby more than them. They don’t necessarily act that way. But the other day while I was giving Cypress a bottle, Paisley said ‘when you’re done taking care of the baby, can you take care of me?’
Insert MOMMY GUILT.
Now, in general, I consider myself a pretty stellar parent. Obviously I have my moments of… yeah. But I’m pretty confident I guess you could say. However even the most confident of mommies get hit with Mommy Guilt from time to time, and I think it’s pretty normal.
- Am I spending enough time with my children?
- Am I spending TOO MUCH time with my children and preventing them from learning to play independently?
- Will my baby be healthy even though I only produce enough breastmilk for 1/4 of her diet?
- Should I be exercising so my husband can have his smokin’ hot wifey back?
- Should I be doing laundry instead of watching Scandal after all the kids are in bed?
You get the picture. I could go on and on. And if you’re a mom, I bet you could add to my list too.
But I’m learning that’s just part of it! We do our best, but really we’re all just fumbling around in the darkness… figuring out this parenting thing as we go. Am I right?!
So here’s to GETTING BY! Cheers!
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You’re so sweet Suzanne! Thanks for the encouragement!
The girls have definitely been patient with having a needy baby around… and I bet you’re right about it being a twin thing and them being used to being patient and waiting on their twin from day one. Everything is starting to even out around here and feel natural. Finally!
I’m having mommy guilt, and Tiny isn’t even born yet 🙁 I keep panicking that I’m not going to have enough love and attention for Evelyn. And I swear, she is picking up on that feeling, because she has been SOOO extra needy lately. She wants to be carried everywhere and cuddled all the time, which is really out of character for her. You’re going to have to share your secrets and tell me everything is going to be okay and that she won’t be emotionally damaged by having a sibling haha.
Ummm there is no secret! Just a new dynamic to get used to… and surely different for each family. Evelyn will be fine! She will love being a big sister!
Amen mama! Especially with the little ones, they will always feel like they are missing out because they are no longer “the baby” and even with my 8 year old, he went through the jealous phase and started acting out in school when I had my second son in April 2013. But one thing I learned during that time, if you give them “jobs” to do with baby (changing diaper, feeding bottle, etc), they start feeling important and less jealous 🙂 but you are so right, there is no such thing as a “perfect” mom and we can only do as much as the good Lord has given us hands and feet and hearts to handle! But you are doing an amazing job! I think every one of us thinks these very same things on a regular basis which means we are all doing the very best we can! if we didn’t feel guilty sometimes, I think THAT would mean we weren’t being the mom that we need to be! It’s those guilty thoughts that prove we want the best for our families 🙂 God bless you and your sweet family!
You’re so sweet! Thanks for your encouragement 🙂
You will be fine…….I have three children… 9 grandchildren… we all survived…do things with the older ones the baby can’t do and make a big deal about it….ask them if they think they can help the baby learn to do this when she’s older….make them your confidants…’do you think she’ll be able to bake cookies like we do….?” I think the hardest thing for little ones is the feeling that someone has come into their lives to ‘take their place’… rest every chance you get….and I love Scandal…..laundry can wait…;)
I love that advice!
My husband has a delightful little routine with our grandchildren. Every time we have a new grandchild he will lament to the older ones about this new baby and how he can’t do anything. “You can run and jump and sing and eat and that baby can’t do anything!!! ” He points out to the children all the cool things they can do like count to ten, etc…and the baby can’t. He can’t read or walk…and the older ones always come to the baby’s defense…”But Papa, we’re going to teach him!” I think this one thing has really helped dispel any jealousy in the older grandchildren. They see they are still very special to us…and we are very proud of their accomplishments…. And maybe, with their help, this new baby will turn out ok, too…:)
That is such a good idea! I can see how this would help them feel less threatened by the baby. 🙂
Truth! My babies are now 22 and 17. I have infertility issues so having another baby was a miracle for us and for months the eldest asked me everyday when was “it” going back. I cried everytime she asked me that question thinking what have I done, why did we upset the apple cart. I felt so guilty for wanting another baby. I finally realized this too shall pass and now as the girls are young adults I see those fleeting moments of worry and guilt were for nothing because they are the best of friends and it was all worth it. So I say to you give the big girls extra hugs and kisses and know….this too shall pass! God Bless your family you are doing a bang up job!!
Awww such a good story! I’m glad your girls are now best of friends. It will be so fun to watch their friendships grow and change over the years. Thanks for sharing your story!
I will be having my third in a few short weeks and I often wonder how it’s going to work! We just do the best we can and pretty soon everyone gets used to the new dynamic and you can’t imagine your family without the little one.
Congratulations! You’re on the homestretch!
Girl, you are NOT alone. As you know my kids are ages 5 1/2, almost 4 and 10 months. I constantly feel like my eyes, ears and hands are darting from one child to another. No wonder we are always so tired! It is HARD with a newborn. They need their mama so much, yet we have other littles standing there just dying for our attention. We all three of my kids I didn’t produce enough milk and had to supplement, all the while all my friends were like a Guernsey milk cow. It was so frustrating. I lasted 6 months of feeding/pumping my last one and I truly consider that an accomplishment. We all do the best we can. You are doing GREAT!
Ugh I’m glad I’m not the only one that needed to supplement. And actually, not my milk has completely dried up. So frustrating. But the same thing happened with the girls, and they’re perfectly healthy despite having formula… so WHATEVS! I’ve decided not to beat myself up about it. 🙂
I have 3 year b/g twins and a 3 month old. I feel that the twins already knew how to be patient since day one but having our newest addition they have had to learn that sometimes both parents can be tied up while one gets “shafted”. It has been adjustment for all of us. Now it seems as if she has been here since day one….it just takes time and it shall all fall into place
If YOU weren’t the best mommy for your three girls, you wouldn’t have been given them. Remember that when you feel that you aren’t enough to go around. And ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Mothers don’t ask for help nearly enough. We can’t do it all. I had a friend who had a fabulous system: every day, she would exercise for a determined amount of time (she had health issues that were tolerable when she could exercise every day), then do breakfast with the family, then for the next hour she would do housework, and then stop. And the rest of the day was for whatever came up. That was when I realized that only planning a certain part of your day gave one the freedom of doing fun stuff….or just chillin’, and not feeling guilty about it. So maybe in that scheduling we can let each of the children decide on one thing they would like to do, and who they want to do it with. That way, if the girls need more one-on-one time, you will find out and can plan accordingly. You might realize that what Paisley meant was something different than what you understood. Betcha she figure out how to divide by three instead of by two!!! But once they realize that all they have to do is verbalize their needs and mommy will take care of it, then they will feel understand the dynamics of three. You’re a great mom and these baby days go by so fast. Savor them and relax. The housework will keep. Your readers/followers will wait patiently.
I have 2.5 year old twins and a 5 month old baby. There was a really big adjustment period for the first few months, but now it feels like he’s always been here with us and the girls are so much better at taking things in stride and trying to be big helpers. Hang in there and don’t let the guilt get you!!
It’s good to know that things will come together and feel ‘right’! It’s definitely an adjustment period, but things are starting to feel more natural around here. The girls are very good helpers!!
Having a newborn is hard, and it is hard on everyone in the house. I had major Momma guilt when I had my second child. I had to put my oldest in a MDO program because I just could not do all the things I needed to do without getting so frustrated, I yelled my at 3 year old. Not an I raised my voice, I flat out screamed at my precious first born for being 3 and doing 3 year old things. And I am not some one who yells. But honestly that MDO has been wonderful for my family. I can do my chores, the baby can get a real nap, and my oldest gets to run, play, craft and socialize. He comes home happy and tired. And it leaves time for me to have more quality time with him.
Once my baby started sleeping more, I started sleeping more, my husband started sleeping more and our family found our new normal routine and things have been much better. I still get Momma guilt but it is more in passing, and not a weight on my shoulders like when I had a newborn.
It’s so good to know I’m not alone! Sometimes it’s hard NOT to scream at 3 year olds for doing 3-year-old-things. HAHA! The twins are proving to be more difficult than having a newborn at this point. I think it will be better when it gets nice out and they can go out and play. They’re so defiant lately!
Everything you are feeling is normal. I still feel it and it’s been a year since the last baby was born. When we told our first 3 2 years ago that we were having a 4th, my 7 year old oldest son said, so that means you won’t have as much time for us, right?
How did he even make that correlation??? We try to do special things with each of them one on one each month. It doesn’t always happen. Bedtimes are the hardest. Reading with everyone, praying with everyone, tucking in everyone. Equally. Sometimes it all happens fairly, other times someone needs more time than the other. The ‘baby’ is demanding more time and is a major mama’s girl. So, that is hard when she is getting 60% of my time and the other 3 share the 40%. It’s not fair and can’t be. And you’ll never get everything done. Laundry, cleaning, kids, dinner etc. The only way to accomplish that is to sacrifice something and it’s usually sleep or yourself. Just remember you are enough where the socks are folded and put away or if they are laying in a heap waiting to be folded and put away. Over 42 pairs of socks a week in our house. I can’t wait for summer and flip flops! <3
Holy cow that’s a lot of socks!! I can’t imagine having 4 kids… you go mama! And thanks for the encouragement 🙂
Paisley asked because you ARE a good mother and she is secure enough to ask for what she needs. How you respond to their needs is what’s important as they will always have needs just like we all do from time to time. As an older mom, let me encourage you that you ARE doing it right.
Thank you that’s nice to hear! Most of the time I know I’m doing fine, but there are moments when doubt creeps in. 🙂
When my Mom had my youngest sister, my other sister Maresy would sit on the stairs while my Mom nursed and sing “Maresy’s right here, Maresy’s right here.” Insert Mommy Guilt! Some kids help insert it without meaning to, some kids do feel displaced, but that’s true whenever change happens in a routine. Your little ladies will all be fine and so will you! Hugs!
What a cute story! It’s true, they’re going to turn out fine. And they’re actually really good helpers with baby Cypress. I need to stop beating myself up! HAHA!