After I posted about the girls starting preschool, I had a couple friends ask if I would be posting about WHY we decided to send the girls to school instead of home-schooling. We did briefly consider homeschooling, but it never occurred to me that people might wonder WHY we made our decision.
Then I realized that, having been homeschooled myself, I might have a unique perspective on this matter.
Here’s a little back-story.
I and my 7 siblings were homeschooled by my super-hero mother. This was 25 years ago… when homeschooling was practically unheard of. My parents made this decision because they felt it was their responsibility as parents to give us a good Christian foundation, as well as tailored/individualized studies that allow us to learn at our own pace.
This is very honorable.
And my mom gave up her career to do so.
I grew up in a loud, loving, chaotic household. We were all in different ‘grades’… learning different things. There was always a toddler, and always a baby, and my mom was always pregnant. It was just normal. We made timelines, dug in the dirt, memorized the presidents, collected leaves, had food fights, and gave presentations (to our stuffed animals).
Things went smoothly until I was in middle school. I started to feel like I was ‘different’. An outsider. Not all of my siblings felt this way… but I had a special need to be independent. My self-esteem was suffering, along with my social skills. I began acting out at home, and things with my parents got dicey. Eventually they sent me to public school my sophomore year of high school.
This is a very abbreviated version of MY homeschool story.
I’ll be the first to admit that many children THRIVE while being educated at home. And there are many factors about homeschooling that could almost persuade me to ‘be the teaching type’. I want to nurture my children, and KNOW what they’re learning, and be able to give them one-on-one attention. I want to protect them from outside influences, and the possibility of bullying, etc.
BUT!
Girlfriends need organized structure and routine. They need to learn to respect other adults, and play with other children. They need to learn to follow instructions and have deadlines.
Living on an acreage is THE BEST. And the girls get to have lots of experiences that ‘city kids’ don’t get to have (and vice versa of course). But living in the sticks makes for some serious isolation. We don’t have playdates often. We don’t even go grocery shopping often. We need to get out!
Finally… I HAVE VERY LITTLE PATIENCE. I would be the worst teacher ever. I know this is a cop-out, but it’s how I feel at this time in my life. I recognize that there are many women that don’t consider themselves ‘the teaching type’ and still sacrifice for their family in this way. And this is SO HONORABLE. I stand in awe of these women.
AND.
Whilst the children are being educated by some dear soul, this mamma can use that time to regenerate some energy to be an even better mommy when they come home. That’s what I tell myself at least.
Because, friends?
MOMMY NEEDS A BREAK.
We haven’t completely ruled out homeschooling, and will take it one year at a time. In the meantime, we will watch our children and notice their strengths and weaknesses. We will teach them all that we can at home, and know that they’re in good hands when they’re at school. And perhaps sometime in the future, we just might choose to homeschool them. Soon they’ll be old enough to have an opinion about this too. We’ll take their lead.
Since this post is just word-vomit of my jumbled thoughts, I thought I would bullet-point some important things that I want to get across today.
- Homeschooling is very effective for some children, and not for others. Know your children.
- If your child desperately wants to go to public school (and has stopped applying themselves at home) LET THEM GO!
- You can take each year at a time! Your decision isn’t set in stone!
- There might not be a ‘RIGHT ANSWER’… and that’s ok! Both homeschooled children and public schooled children turn out to be wonderful people!
- DO NOT FEEL GUILTY if you choose to send your kids to school while many of your friends homeschool. IT’S YOUR FAMILY.
I know this has the potential to be a very controversial post, because sometimes people feel VERY strongly about these types of things. But I wanted to share my story and my own experience, and encourage you to DO WHAT’S RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY!
Some families choose to eat organic. Others don’t.
Some mommies breastfeed. Other’s don’t (or can’t).
Some parents spank their kids. Other’s don’t.
Some homeschool. Other’s don’t.
We all do what we feel is right for our families. SO LET’S STOP JUDGING! Let’s stop feeling judged… or guilty… or like we’re not enough.
Because we are awesome parents! Even though ‘we’ gave our children Oreo’s for breakfast.
What?
Deciding between homeschooling or public school? It’s a tough call! This blog nicely lays out the considerations. As a parent, it’s reassuring to explore both options and find the best fit for our kids. Thanks for shedding light on this important decision!
We did group homeschool for a few years and it was great. Social activities… parents swapping studies… almost like private school…. then put them in public school in 8th… school really didnt want them and it was hard but i stood my ground. They wanted to hold them back…. said they wouldnt be able to go to college… my kids had advanced classes…. went to a top college ranked high…. got a BS in 3 yrs and in honors…. follow your heart and pray… there is online classes your kids can take if you really dont feel prepared for some subjects.
Pamela, when I was a kid and homeschooled, it was the same thing when we tried to transition to public schools when I was in 10th grade. They were very resistant., and wouldn’t accept anything I had done in 9th grade as credit, so I had to do 4 years of high school in 3 years if I wanted to graduate on time. I think a lot of things have changed with homeschooling being so much more common and accepted.
This was refreshing, thanks!
Being a parent and making these weighty decisions is hard work! Sometimes a good cry is just the thing. <3
This is so well put, as a person who was home schooled and went to public school in the 80s and 90s this is my perspective as well. Our children are in an excellent public school and are thriving. We tried to homeschool one year and it didn’t go well at all, I’m open to it if it becomes a need but until then we continue to do what works for our family.
I was so close to homeschooling my kids this school year and changed my mind towards the end. Teachers are educated to do their jobs, I am not (yet:-)). I don’t trust myself to be in charge of their education in its entirety- every single subject. My kids have never been to daycare but they are social butterflies… two out of three anyway. Our days are not structured in the summer, although I have been meaning to implement. This year while my two oldest kids are in school during the day I have my toddler at home and we have been working on building and sticking to a daily routine. Home-school is not ruled out, I will most definitely home-school, should the need to do so arise. So far, I really love their teachers and principal and I have no complaints so they stay 🙂 I’m actually in school now to become a teacher.
Well written Bethany! As a person who was privileged to watch you and your family grow through the years, I think I can say that you all have turned out to be wonderful adults, who I am proud to know. Love and time are what make the difference. Keep doing what you and your husband agree is right for your family! That is the privilege we have in living in the United States of America – FREEDOM to choose!
awww Pam, you’re so sweet! <3
I have the teacher gene and was a supply teacher from the first year my oldest started school to my twins graduating year: I wanted to know who interacted with my boys during the day. I wish I could’ve home schooled because my sons hated public school. But sometimes you can twach/tutor other people’s kids but cannot do so with your own. It was torture in my household just getting through homework every night. Imagine that 6hrs/day 5 days/week! Plus I was a poor, single mom who couldn’t afford trips to the museum or other activities that would have been an integral part of home schooling. We do what we can with what we have. And so many well intended adults forget about the unique socialization skills our kids acquire in the public school system.
I just want to point out that another option (that I didn’t see mentioned, but I don’t have my glasses on) is combination home school and public school. Many cities (especially smaller cities and towns) offer that option – to home school for part of the day and public school for part of the day.
I love your last line: “stop judging”. People do not realize that just because they do not agree with your decision does not make it wrong!! It’s different for everyone.
Great post! My siblings and counsins (and myself) were all hs’ ed and ps’ ed. I homeschool our children and we all love it, but we live in Anchorage, Alaska. There is no shortage of socializing. I decided the exact same thing you did based on where we lived because if we lived way out yonder again, I would likely send them to ps. But since we are full believers in our hs life, we stay close to the events and extra cool classes. Works out perfectly for us. And dare I say it is like living a life of luxury? Yeah I’ll say it. We love this lux 😉
Like you, my first borns were twins. I quit my job as a high school English teacher to stay home with them once they were born. I had long entertained the idea of homeschooling, until the reality of life with twins (and then two others within the next two years) dissolved those notions! Don’t get me wrong, I loved all the time I spent with the girls before they went off to school, and lots and lots of homeschooling did, and still does, happen. But I felt it would be healthier for ALL of us to have some time apart. My children are in a great school district. They attend a public school that has very high standards and a rigorous curriculum – the material they learn and the ways in which they are taught are varied and creative – beyond anything I could ever provide them. Added to that are sports, plays, clubs – the list goes on. I have absolutely no question that they are getting the best education I can provide them – and I do so by sending them off to school each day. When they come home in the afternoon, I’m charged up to see them and hear about all the events of their day.
That said, though, I think it’s a mistake to think of homeschooling vs. public schooling as an either/or choice. Like most families, my girls and I spend lots of time together on homework and projects. My husband and I thoughtfully incorporate educational outings and readings into our schedules. My kids still receive lots of homeschooling – but it won’t be long before our roles are reversed! (I just ordered a used copy of the twins AP European History book so that I can read it and refresh myself and keep up with their studies! )
I was homeschooled for the last few years of high school. Before that I was in a christian school with uniforms and structure. I do have to say that I sent my daughter to a christian school this year because she CRAVES the structure, and reliability of that routine. I felt guilty. I was made to feel guilty by others because I was “not doing what was best for my child” by homeschooling. My daughter is in second grade now. I don’t feel guilty any more. 😀 I knew what my child needed and I was able to give it to her. To me…… THAT is what makes a super mom! 😀
Amen! Well said!
Love this.
I was a first class Judy McJudger before I had a baby. Captain of the “when-we-have-kids-we’re-never-gonnas” Dude. Being a mom is hard. I’ve done more things I never thought I could or would and I’m so over being an opinionated Ahole.
Good for you for knowing what your ladies need and what your strengths are.
I just want to say, as a public school teacher, that I appreciate you recognizing that you don’t feel equipped to teach. I studied for many years, and continue to study, to find the most effective way to educate the children in my care. Some people have a talent and develop the skill of teaching. Some do not. And education is best left in the hands of those who want to teach, who study how to teach effectively, and who have the knack for it.
What a great post. It’s so cool to hear your perspective. It’s so true that it is a very different situation for every family. I homeschooled (well, cyber schooled, which the traditional homeschoolers are quick to point out is much different) for my son’s first year and it did not work well for us. He is adopted and we saw a lot of regression in his attachment when he was struggling with school work and resenting me for forcing him to do it. He also needed some special education and therapy services, so ultimately we put him in public school and he is truly thriving there. (Also, I had a toddler and an infant at the time, and little patience because of it.) We sent our middle daughter to kindergarten in the same public school this year. I love it, it is an amazing school with wonderful, patient teachers and it is only two doors down from our house, so they can walk. But at least once a week part of me really wants to pull them out and try the homeschool route again. I am a teacher and now back to work full-time teaching other people’s children. Part of me wishes I could be doing the same work for my own kiddos!
very good post on WHY you do what you do.
Great post! I agree that everyone should do what THEY feel is right for their family. I went to public school for all of my schooling and turned out fine. I have friends that were homeschooled and turned out fine also. It’s what’s best for your family and your kids. I respect those that stay home and home school and also those that admit they need a break and send them to public school. Where I live, the public schools are great. I realize some schools in some areas are not.
Awesome parents BECAUSE you gave your kids oreo’s for breakfast 😉 (and I don’t even like them!)
Great post!!
Very strong opinions on both sides.
I absolutely agree with either.
Each has it’s pros and cons, I am happy that we all have choices on how we educate our little ones.
With that said, I would love to be a SAHM, but homeschool? I would probably do lousy, my very social son would protest, he NEEDS his friends. my son invites kids over that he just met and will confidently approach and invite the mommy to bring her son to his house. Incredible.
Our family has decided to go with our local public school, they are in a dual immersion program where they will be bilingual if we stay on track. Kids are loving it and thriving. If that changes then so will the plan.
My MIL homeschooled her family for years. In fact, with all the health issues my husband had as a child, it’s the only reason he graduated high school on time. His younger brother chose to go to public school from middle school on. My SILs and I have all decided that there is no way we have the patience to homeschool. If the public school system isn’t good where we live, we will look into private school. For now we live in a city with a WONDERFUL school system!
Agreed! These teachers go to school to learn how to teach. They get degrees and have many hours of doing this under their belts! I don’t have the patience for homeschooling also! I love my children…but I need a break too!!!
THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for your post. As someone who was a ‘career’ homeschooler and NEEDED more structure and socialization as a kid I really appreciate you speaking out. My family was so sure that homeschooling was the only ‘godly’ way to educate your children that I was denied so many opportunities to excel. But as you said, every kid is different. Just because your six siblings loved homeschooling doesn’t mean it worked for you. It doesn’t make you a horrible mom or Christian, either. My husband and I have been looked down on for wanting to send our kid to school it’s refreshing to see someone who gets it! So thank you!!
I’m surprised someone would ask you to explain why you chose to homeschool. I kind of thing homeschooling is trendy right now and will fade out some. I have strong opinions on it because of my experience with homeschooled kids. I went to private school and pretty much all of the home schooled kids who transferred into our school were behind and didn’t catch up. I guess I just don’t believe someone who isn’t trained as an educator feels they could teach multiple ages of children while caring for an infant and it be better than a real school. I’m sure many are better than others though. Like everything in life it is hard to not let your own experience influence you one way or another.
I would like to put the idea out there that perhaps most of the home schooled students who transferred in did so *because* they weren’t doing well at home. There are children who don’t do well being home schooled. There are children who don’t do well in public school, or in private school. There are parents who are poor teachers. There are parents who do a mediocre job teaching their children. There are parents who do a great job teaching their children. There are poor public and private school teachers, there are great ones and in-between ones. To judge home schooled children as a whole based off a small subset is unfair.
Studies repeatedly show that the majority of home schooled children fare as well or even better than their publicly educated peers when they reach college and adulthood.
Also, just because a teacher is teaching 30 students who are in the same grade does not mean that all 30 students have the same needs and are at the same level and can be taught exactly the same way. Ask any teacher and s/he will tell you that there are multiple ability levels and learning styles within each classroom. While it is somewhat different than teaching children of different grade levels at home, both situations ultimately result in the teacher having to teach to multiple abilities and learning styles. One could argue that the parent at home who is home schooling five children can give those five children more attention and more personalized teaching than the teacher who has 30, or even 15, children in the classroom.
I understand completely about the no patience thing because I am the same way. I have tried to work with Wil at home and have a hard time with patience in the situation. He LOVES preschool (he’s 4). He thrives. First day was yesterday and it went wonderfully. The teacher’s comment when I picked him up? “He has the best manners! I was very impressed.” So I’m doing something write. He may not be able to write his name 100% solo, or count past 10, or recite his abc’s all the way through alone but hey he is sweet, respectful, and polite. That is a start for me. If in a couple years public school isn’t working out for him we may reevaluate or if it is working fine for him but not Harper (she’s 2) we will see how things might work different for her. I’m so glad to read a post that isn’t pulled in one direction. All of that to say: Thanks for sharing!
My sister home schooled her kids and she didn’t do them any favors by doing the oldest could not pass the exams to get into collage her other son had a learning disorder that they didn’t caught till he was in his teens I really believe that they need to be tested each spring they did test them but they were told what was on the subject -so they could study up on the subject
I couldn’t homeschool either, since like you, I am not patient enough to do so. However, we don’t send our kids to public school either (or at least until high school anyways).
Instead, my husband and I have chosen to send our kids to a private Christian school (which I like to call an independent Christian school, because “private” sounds so hoitey – toitey & we are definitely not that!) Here in Ontario Canada private schools are not government funded at all, but in spite of the financial hardship, we feel we’ve made the best possible choice for our kids.
I agree, we should be supportive of one another!!! Kudos to you for a great post!
Wow I absolutely love reading your blog. You really do an amazing job looking at both sides. Round of applause to u for stating u have to do what is right for your family and to NOT judge!!! Thank u. Hopefully more people will learn not to judge. I am a preschool teacher and I absolutely love everyday and my only advice to my parents is that each child learns at their pace and ability and we can only guide them!!! Way to go Bethany.
Bonnie Panicko
Honeymoon friends lol
Thank you for this post. My dd is nearly 3 and we’ve put her in a 2-day per week toddler program. Most of the people we know homeschool. Here I am a SAHM with 1 kiddo and there they are with 2 or more. I feel inadequate. You know, if they can do it…
But
My daughter has already benefitted being away from me, her ever present mother and primary playmate. And me, well, I’m thrilled for the squeal and smiling hug at pickup time. Now if I can just make it out of the building…
As for school, we’re thinking private or public. I know I can teach her because I’ve done a good job thus far. I don’t want to. I don’t want that specific role.
I got to experience christian preschool, public school, homeschool, public college, and private college for my education 🙂 I loved homeschooling because it was so flexible, and I didn’t have to waste time sitting there waiting for everyone to finish, or waiting in line for the bathroom, lunch, etc. My mom gave me some of the resources she had used, and they have card catalog numbers noted in some places – I am so thankful for all the effort she made to educate my sisters and I, digging through card catalogues and driving to the store to make copies. It is really much easier to homeschool now.
I personally homeschool because as a teacher I feel it would be sad for me to let someone else teach my child while I teach other people’s kids; and my child has some learning issues that I am able to accommodate at home in a way that would be impossible in a classroom setting.
There are so many variables involved when making choices about parenting, and people are often judgmental of any choice that isn’t the one they would make. Plus I think it is really easy to type off a quick disparaging comment in the relative anonymity of the internet. You care about your girls are will be involved at home, that is no reason to judge just because it is not the choice that I made. 🙂
Came over from Pinterest, and had to comment–RIGHT ON.
My husband and I have talked about this a lot. I went to public school and was often bored (man, does that sound pretentious or what?!). I probably would have thrived in a home-school setting.
My husband experienced home school, public school, and private school. He said that his mother did a very good job with home schooling, and they participated in lots of sports and extra-curricular activities, but he still hated it. He also mentioned that it was really hard when he went to private school–not necessarily because he wasn’t prepared academically, but because he wasn’t used to having to sit at a desk all day, or be in a position to have to work with so many other kids.
Anyway, I’d love to home school, he’s very much opposed based on his own experience. And after years of talking, I think what we’ve finally come to realize is that the best schooling situation is going to depend SO MUCH on each individual child and their own personalities and needs!
I begged my mom to homeschool me when I started 1st grade. I was just so miserable. She fed me a line about having to have a teaching degree in order to homeschool your kids! Turns out all I needed was to skip ahead to 2nd grade which was a much better fit for me academically and socially.
My kids go to public school. We too live on an acreage with no kids for miles. My kids’ school friends live 11-25 miles away. I would not have been good at finding them friends or social activities if it were left up to me. There are few kids their age at church either. My oldest daughter would probably be okay with being home a lot and not around lots of other kids but my youngest thrives on going & doing & having a pack of friends around!
Plus, based on the hit and miss nature of my piano lessons with my almost 16-year-old in the last 10 years…I would say I would have had a hard time keeping up the necessary schedule and structure 🙂
Hey lady, my children went to public school! OMG they all lived and so did I. Yes, there was a little bullying but they got over it. So good luck, I’m sure you will what is right for everyone in the house. How long of a ride is it to school for them? Is there a bus? Have a good day. Hope your feeling well.
I love your post. And I’m crazy in love with your girls. They are so adorable.
I’m a GREAT GM. The Great is 3 and I have a GD#3 who is 4, they are 9 months apart. It’s fun to watch them because the Great is just a few steps behind GD#3. (GD#1 Is 22 and GD#2 is 17) Both love their schools and playmates.
My own children went to private school … looking back I’d never do it again … they hated every moment (we didn’t listen). But it turned out ok in the end as both went to College on scholarships and both have excellent job.
Your reasoning makes sense to me. Take it year by year. I admire you guys … you’re wonderful parents.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective! We’re expecting our next little one in October and our first is almost 2 and we’re already mulling over the homeschool vs. not homeschool decision. It’s nice to get a feel for it from someone who has been on both sides of the spectrum.
P.S – I love your parting line – especially since I may or may not have given my daughter a chocolate chip cookie and milk for breakfast this Sunday 😉
I love this! Thanks for your terrific insight! It’s sad that we feel the need to “explain” ourselves for one decision or another, but I think you rocked it in this post! I proudly send my children to public school and they are terrific kids! The bonus is that they get go to their school and apply the examples that we have taught them of how to be an awesome citizen and a thoughtful friend to many kids that don’t have that in their lives!
I appreciate this post so much! Even though we are not parents *yet* (struggling with some of the same things you have gone through) this topic hits close to home. My husband is a teacher and I work in school as well. Some may say we have biased opinions, which may be true, but I also have some good friends and family that homeschool their children, and have some good friends that were homeschooled themselves. It is truly about knowing your child. Just like you said- some kids thrive in homeschool, some kids don’t and some kids thrive in a traditional school while others hate it and shut down. I’ve seen it time and time again on both sides.
We’re all different…thank goodness!
That was an interesting read, esp. as I live in Germany where homeschooling is illegal. I wish it weren’t because I think that it would be good for some familes and their children. I also wish that I could homeschool my daughter, esp. as I work as a teacher and teach other familes’ children every day. 😉 I just feel that I could support her in some ways which are not possible (or realistic) at school, like we’d do fun and educational art projects, go to museums and so on (she loves art) and teach her other subjects trough art as well. I have so many ideas and of course we do a lot of things in our free time, but there’s not a lot of free time really. I would also love to spend more time with her in general… On the other hand I am also glad that she gets to meet other children her age at school (she is a single child – there are a lot of kids in the neighborhood though, but it’s still different if she meets them as classmates also). I am kind of glad that I did not have to make that difficult decision because as I said it’s not an option over here in Germany.
I think this is a great post. I’m currently in grade 12 and I’m homeschooled – NOW. I went to a private school all my childhood – from preschool to grade 8. I was severely bullied in grades 1 thru 3 (ages 5-8) and it affected me horribly for many years until I became a teen and. Oils work trough those issues. I moved to high school and couldn’t adjust to the changes in high school – lockers, different classes, different classrooms, different teachers etc. so after a psychologist told my parents I was going to have a nervous breakdown of something wasn’t done I became homeschooled my dad disagreed and thought it was stupid etc. but my patens finally split just a few months later. I’ve thrived since joining homeschool but my memories of my primary school years are some of the best I have and wouldn’t change them. I think it depends on the situation your kids find themselves in. I would probably send my future kids to a school until at least high school when they are informed enough to tell me what they’d feel comfortable with. Great post Bethany and great advice about doing what is best for your own family – my mum says take car rif your own backyard first before tying to fix others.
Very good post. Our family has resently made a tough schooling decision too. I like that you added “don’t judge others” and their decision. You may not agree, but know that I LOVE my children more than life itself and would never make a choice that I thought would harm them! Doing what is best for your own family IS the right choice.
I hope you don’t feel like you have to explain to us why you make your decisions. That being said, thank you! This has helped validate my feelings on homeschool vs. public school. There’s a large part of me that wants to homeschool my kids but in the long run, I feel like I can be a better mom if I’m not their teacher. A lot of my reasons are the same as yours. It feels good to know I’m not alone!
I went to public school not much homeschooling in my day going on and did well.
MY children go to public school and are doing well did we have to deal with bullying yes did it
make my child a stronger person yes he is very strong loving , caring and deals with people well he also can handle working customer service now because he graciouly has learned the skill to work with hard to deal with people,
My other two boys are very social as well they love being around there friends .
As a mom I loved having the break boys are busy yeap . and I felt with my kiddos that if I homeschooled them I would probably be lacking of something because I am a very laid back person and I knew it wouldnt have worked .
Now saying that if school got to be scary in anyway which yes to some degree it can be when kids come home and struggle with the friends who decide they want to do drugs and it breaks your childs heart more life lessons are learned and new friends are found .
But really scary I would homeschool ..
I admire those like Bethany your mom she is awesome who can home school what a great gifting it is.
Bethany I am glad you are writing about this During the decision about this I had many friends who made me feel bad because my children where not home schooled along with making me feel bad because I couldnt breast feed my boys it didnt work for me at all many tears and many hours working hard to try so great article glad you put that in there as well because as moms we can beat ourselve up .. and in the long run its all about how healthy your children are .
Thank you
Sarah
Well said. I was home schooled for most of my “school career” and loved it. And then 11th grade came around and I wanted to go to public school. So I did. And I loved that (at least my junior year; then the school closed and I had to go to a new school my senior year and I did not love my senior year).
We have no children yet but hubby and I have discussed how we want to school our children and at this point we plan to home school. But who knows if that is what we will actually decide when we have school-age children. I think your advice is good – know your children. Some children do not do well at home. Some children don’t do well at public school. The key is to know what your child needs and what you can (or cannot) provide for the child and from there make the best choice.
Well said! You have a beautiful family!
Great post! And don’t feel bad – my son ate chocolate pudding for breakfast EVERY SINGLE DAY for the first 6 years. 🙂 He refused to eat anything else!