My friend Crystal (who has twin girls TOO!) just posted an article on Facebook that I found incredibly profound and full of truth. It struck me at the core… and felt compelled to share. The following article was found here.
There’s this crazy phenomenon going on right now. Good, devoted mothers get on Pinterest… and blogs… and Facebook… and Twitter… and then they flip through parenting magazines and TV channels (full of advertisements and media hype)… and they’re convinced they’re not enough.
They’re convinced that everyone else has magnetic, alphabetized spice containers,
 |
| Photo source: Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/pin/274086327292186801/) |
and unless their garden parties are thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns,
 |
| Photo source: Pinterest, http://tinyurl.com/6lsuurc |
and they’re wearing the latest fashions (in a size two, of course), there’s no point in even showing up for the day. Last Saturday, this happened to me:
I came home from a lovely day out with my extended family and had serious intentions to spend the evening dyeing Easter eggs and making bunny buns. By the time I got everyone settled and fed, however, I was so tired that I just laid on the couch and dozed while my children played and got themselves to bed. Around 8:30, when I finally had the energy to sit up, I decided to try out Pinterest for a few minutes until my husband got home. There it was–1,000 reasons why I’m failing at all things domestic.
I don’t make grilled cheese sandwiches look like ice cream.
 |
| Photo source: Pinterest, http://kitchenfunwithmy3sons.blogspot.com |
- I don’t even have seasonal throw pillows on my couches or live plants anywhere in the house. Is it really so hard? Can’t I pull myself together and wrap some candles in green foliage and bring happiness to our decor with bright fabrics and hand-crafted photo frames?
As I was trying to calm my frenzied state of mind, my husband came home and held me tight. We talked about our day, and he told me how much he loves me and that he wants our boys to marry someone like me. I fell asleep snuggled under his arm.
The following morning, our children enthusiastically bounded into our bedroom and tucked themselves into our covers. My four-year-old gave me an arm massage, and we all sat there together–joking, laughing, planning the day ahead, and enjoying that special feeling of family. Reflecting on the discouragement I’d felt the night before, I realized that my family doesn’t care about what I see on Pinterest. They care about me.
My daughter Grace loves me to sing “Baby Mine” to her each night before bed. When I go to our Power of Moms Retreats, she misses that special ritual. We have recordings of Michael Crawford and Allison Krauss singing their versions, but Grace doesn’t want those. She wants me. So I recorded myself singing “Baby Mine” and emailed the audio file to her and to my husband so Grace can hear “her song” before she sleeps. As far as she’s concerned, my untrained voice belongs at the top of the charts.
 |
| My daughter Grace is my “snuggliest” child. Back tickles and “Baby Mine” each night are how I show that I love her. |
- A few months ago, I was practicing sideways dutch braids on my two daughters. They had found these great “how-to” videos online, and we set up our comb, brush, and hair bands in front of the computer so I could become an expert. Half-way through the braid, my fingers got all tangled up, the hair was too loose, and one of my daughters had been sitting with her head to the side for several minutes. Feeling extremely frustrated, I said, “That little girl in the video is so lucky to have a mom who knows how to do hair.”
My daughter stopped me in my tracks when she responded, “But I have a mom who is trying.”
 |
| These are my two girls with the braids that took me FOREVER to do. (But I’m getting faster now, and they appreciate the fact that I’m trying.) |
- My mom is in her 70s, and her memory is starting to go. Her sweetness and love are as strong as ever, but when we talk on the phone, she can’t remember the last time we spoke or the last time we saw each other. At the end of one phone call a few weeks ago, I whispered, “I miss you, Mom.”
She said, “Oh, I miss you, too! But we’ll get together soon. You can come down to the park, and we’ll get an ice cream cone at McDonald’s.”
I replied, “Yes, that will be fun.” But then the tears started, and I had to use every ounce of control to keep my voice even so she wouldn’t know I was crying.
What I really meant was, “I miss being able to talk to you, Mom. I miss laying on the grass while my children make a hopscotch and savoring our long phone conversations. I miss you remembering all those secrets I used to tell you. I miss you asking me if I’m okay. I miss seeing you read books and hearing you sing while you do the dishes and having you drive out to my house without getting lost. I miss you remembering how much I need you.”
My mother didn’t specialize in home decor or gourmet cooking, and she didn’t lift weights or run marathons. But she makes me feel like I am the most important, wonderful person ever born. If I could pick any mother in the whole world, it would be my mom.
- There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?
Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.
If you ever find yourself looking in the mirror at a woman who feels badly that she hasn’t yet made flower-shaped soap,
 |
| Photo source: Pinterest, http://tinyurl.com/82k5vow |
- please let me offer her this helpful reminder: “Your children want you!”
Related:
-
Howdy friends! We've been using and abusing our Sven Sofa and Armchair from Article for…
I just came across this and am crying as I read it. My Mom is 89, her memory is shot, she is going blind, but she still insists upon living alone. Whenever we talk she asks if I can’t get up to see her this summer. I feel just terrible that I can’t drive the thousand miles alone, and can’t afford the airline ticket and rental car. I am now determined to find someone to help me drive up there. What a beautiful post.
I have remembered this post since you put it up some time back. Tonight I am sharing it with our MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group in town. <3 Thank you!
That was a great read! Loved it 😉
Thanks for the shout out, Bett! And I’m glad so many people are finding it as inspiring as I did!
Love, Cryst
^this woman is incredibly lucky to have such a great Mom and has obviously done right by her own daughters!
The only woman I can think of that can come close to achieving ‘it all’ is Martha Stewart, and she has to a team of people she pays to get all of it done, not to mention she has no small children to care for. NO ONE CAN DO IT ALL! I’m really tired of the media telling us what we’re suppose to do/be like etc.
Wow,
I needed to hear this. Somedays I think to myself, “Man! I’m a stay-at-home mom, and yet I manage not to get anything don. How does this happen?” Glad to know that I’m not alone.
Thanks, I need to hear that. You do feel like you have to become something your not just to have a happy life. But, it so ture all your kids want is you and your happiness. Thanks so much for posting this.I love your blog.
That was beautiful and I did start crying. My mom is 85 and I dread the time she won’t be around to ask her if she has lime green thread or a can of mushroom soup. Sure she didn’t make fancy meals, paint cute little murals on our bedroom walls but she was the best mom anyone could ask for and I would not have traded for anyone else! This article just reminded me of that fact!
Thanks for the afternoon cry 🙂 that was lovely!
me too! almost started crying!! this was soooo beautiful and full of truth!!! i still love pinterest, but man do i love being me to Ada so much more! and our kids just want us too! thanks for sharing this!!!!
this is wonderful, thanks for sharing!
I almost started crying. Seriously.
(Can I blame that on the fact that I am 6 weeks post-partum? Because I’m going to!)
This was awesome! It’s insane how divine bloggers can make their homes look for posts, and it’s true that probably isn’t the way it looks 98% of the time…but as readers we feel inspired, motivated, and yes, inferior. This was a beautiful reminder that dirty dishes mean bellies are full, toys all over mean imaginations were flowing, messy hands and faces mean happy kids, and clutter on the counters and floor mean time was better spent outside or with our children. Thank you for sharing this on your blog!
noooooo… don’t say that! i’ll have you know that my bed is currently not made, there’s a dirty diaper sitting on top of the changing table, i keep my box of tampons right next to the toilet, i never vacuum the stairs, i have no idea what i’m going to make for supper, and i am CERTAINLY not a size 2. 🙂 i could go on and on. 🙂
This is how reading YOUR blog makes me feel!!! You look like you are soooo together and I wish my house looked 1/4 as good, cute and organized as yours!!! LOL