The girls have been going through a ‘I CAN’T’ stage. They don’t even try. Yesterday they could put their shoes on. Today, they’re a pile of pathetic tears… conveying to us the impossibility of our request. Sometimes it’s really laughable. Like saying they CAN’T reach their cup on the counter when their hand is basically already holding it. They CAN’T find their baby doll even though they had it 30 seconds ago.
It’s a little annoying. But mostly just funny. Can a trained psychologist please analyze? TIA.
The other day, one of the girls said ‘I CAN’T’… and Nick said ‘if your mommy and I gave up that easy, you wouldn’t be here.’
Source: Pen & Paint by Lindsay Hopkins
I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently, and it coincides perfectly with a post that I’ve been wanting to write, yet struggling to find the words.
I think, as adults, it’s easy for us to get in our own ‘I CAN’T’ funk.
I can’t go back to school because I have kids and responsibilities now.
I can’t become a foster parent because my heart isn’t strong enough.
I can’t apply for that promotion because I’m not qualified.
I can’t move forward with fertility treatments because my insurance doesn’t cover it.
I can’t [insert just about anything] because I don’t have the money.
We didn’t have the money for IVF… but we worked hard and sacrificed. We fought.
One of the reasons I was hesitant to write this post, is because there are exceptions. Sometimes I CAN’T can be very literal and tragic. And if you’re in one of those situations, my heart goes out to you. But today I’m talking to everyone else who’s dreams are within reach. If you want it bad enough, fight for it! It might mean changing your lifestyle, making sacrifices… BEING UNCOMFORTABLE for a time… but you won’t regret it.
sourceAs you know, we’ve been painting backsplashes to save for our second round of IVF… to transfer our tiny frozen embryos (FET) and hope for the best. Although it is significantly cheaper than the first round (because we have leftover embryos in the freezer), we still couldn’t afford it, and didn’t feel right about taking out a loan. So we saved! And we painted! And we SAVED!
We just want to take this opportunity to THANK YOU for supporting us and rooting for us during this time of waiting and saving! And HUUUUGE thanks to our friends and family who have taken care of the girls for us while we’re ‘on the job’.
We’ve reached our financial goal! I’m both excited and terrified to share that I will be starting Lupron injections ON MOTHER’S DAY (fitting, no?). This will be a 6 week process that I’ll be sharing openly with you all. This is a very emotional journey for us, but we want to encourage and uplift others who are in the trenches of infertility and are losing hope. We want to TALK about it so it’s not such a taboo topic.
YOOHOO World! Sure my reproductive system doesn’t work and my ovaries are shriveled pieces of scar tissue… but I’M AN AWESOME PERSON! And I’m fighting for my dreams!
Let’s do this.
I’m just so proud of you. Thank you for your transparency…you have certainly helped me!
Wishing you all the best with the embryo transfer!
This is by far the best post I’ve ever read. I’ve always agreed with this philosophy. There’s nothing more infuriating than excuses. I love you and am proud of you. You set an amazing example. I’m so happy for you and Nick. I’m excited for you. I’m sending every ounce of good vibe your way. LET’S GO ROUND 2 BABY!
Just wanted to share with you that a friend and neighbor, who was told she would never be able to have children because her eggs were too small, announced yesterday that she is now expecting. She and her husband fought hard for this, just as you and Nick have. Keeping you all in our prayers.
Oh my goodness! Thank you so much for sharing this! I love a good success story. Congrats to your friend!
So excited for you! I’ll be thinking of you and your family over the next 6 weeks. I wish there wasn’t this sense of shame or failure associated with infertility… if our eyes aren’t working correctly, there’s no shame in wearing contacts or glasses to correct our eyesight. No shame in taking insulin to treat insulin. Sometimes, our bodies just need some help to work as we need them to. So I applaud your efforts to talk openly about this! I think it will help lots of future moms going through this journey. As for your toddlers, perhaps it’s just a bit of regression. My two-year old is going through this now, and just as I began wondering what was going on, I got this Babycenter update in my inbox:
http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-30-month-old-why-regression-happens_10329652.bc?responsys_count=0&scid=mbtw_post30m&pe=MlV6UVlwb3wyMDE0MDQzMA..
Thanks for your encouragement Marissa! And thanks for that link too… sooooo true! 🙂
I will be thinking of you both! So excited that you made it to your goal. You got this!
I have been following your blog for awhile but I don’t usually comment. I was lucky to get pregnant relatively easily. However, I recently found out that one of my friends is struggling with infertility and this is why she has been more distant lately. Praying for you and for her as you continue your journeys. Love this post about not saying “I can’t.”
I recently found your blog, and have been quite intrigued and inspired by all your DIY stuff. But this post is particularly inspiring! The message is so incredibly true and timely for me right now. And of course, a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to the both of you on this new journey.
I am SO happy for you that you have finally met your goal. And I admire you for having the stamina to work hard and save rather than go into debt. And for being able to not give up no matter how hard, no matter how long it took. I will MOST Definitely be praying that all goes well with this FET. I will pray every day that God will Bless you with more children. I do not want to offend you, but I will also be praying that IF God does not bless you with more that He will prepare your hearts, and that you will still know how blessed you are to have your two girls. Congrats, and Bless you!
I totally relate to the “I can’t” toddler stage. My almost 3 year old is doing that now too.
And I agree- people are capable of a lot more than they think! We need to let go of fear.
I’ve been following your blog for some time now and I am so happy to hear that you and Nick have met your goal!! Best of luck to you and your family 🙂
I admire you so much … you are certainly brave. I wish you could talk to someone in my family right now … she needs someone like you. Good luck.
Wow, Bethany…..we are excited, nervous for you and will just offer to pray for you through this journey. I totally understand your desire for more children. Bill and I went through alot to have our children when we were told that we would not have a family, so Prayers are with you..and we thank the Lord for your two darling little girls…..and for the wonderful parents you both have been……Keep us posted……Love and hugs………….Sandy
Congrats! I’ve loved counting down each time you’ve posted a completed backsplash. I love what you wrote … and I can attest to the fact that the fear of can’t really can hold us back. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Sticky baby dust for you!
I’ve commented on it before, but it’s this story of finding a way and saving for your dream that I absolutely love and admire about you guys. You wrote the post beautifully. There are exceptions, yes, but you are preaching ‘the rule’. People can find ways to achieve their goals — or at least try, as your tree picture/quote illustrates. Everyone could use more CAN DO spirit. Thank you!
Yahoo!! Good luck to you. Thank you for being so open and honest. Hopefully, someday it won’t be such a fight for couples with infertility. Both my girls are FET after 10 failed IUIs and 3 failed fresh cycles. It’s so hard when you are in the middle of shots, waiting, tests, waiting, ultrasounds, waiting, bloodwork, waiting…waiting…waiting. I’m praying for you and this journey and that regardless of the outcome you know that God’s plan isn’t always the same as ours! Hugs to you.
Beth it was because of your blog and a few others I chose to take my struggles public very soon into realizing I had…struggles. Cheers to all who can be strong enough to openly share their journeys into parenthood, no matter the means.
Very excited to follow your new adventure. Bring on the Lupron, worked perfectly for my little “Ice, Ice, Baby”!!! 🙂
Happy for you, love the “can’t” by the girls, lol. Hang in there, I’m rooting for you all! Mary
If interested, this is my blog http://amileonmyjourney.blogspot.com/
Hey, I’m a friend of Regans and this showed up in my newsfeed. My husband and I have also struggled with infertility, our daughter is now 3 months old but we waited 2 years and lost one pregnancy (IVF both times) to get her. I love how you said that we need to talk about these things so that are not “taboo” and that is so true! There are a million “mommy support groups” but where are all the “infertility support groups?” I’ve had friends come alongside me and I have been blessed by them. I hope you have the same 🙂 Good luck with your next round, we start again in December!
I will keep you in my prayers in the weeks to come! I am very excited for you guys! thanks for this awesome post!! {hugs}
You are amazing.
That is all.
Awesome post!! Thinking of you guys!
I’m so excited for your family! You are an inspiration to everyone and def work hard to accomplish your goals! You deserve everything good coming your way! Praying for another healthy pregnancy for you and yours!
Beth and Nick you guys are so inspiring to me as my husband(Nick too) and I are traveling a similar path to yours. May the Lord bless you both and your babies. I pray for success and that you will hold your new blessings very soon!!!
Very inspiring post Beth! You should be commended on the strong ethics and moral values that you have set for Nick and yourselves. We all have something, whether in our lives or our kids lives, that is worth waiting for. And achieving our goals gives us such a great feeling of accomplishment! Granted, our goals may not be as important as IVF but the feeling is still there! We can all learn from Nick and you Beth! I will be praying that you have as great as outcome that you did the first time and I wish you and your family the best of luck!!!
Thinking of you with positive thoughts as you go through this. We were never ‘brave enough’ to do this again. We had a successful IVF (twin boys) and couldn’t put my body through the horror it went through with it to do the FET! 🙁 We always hope and pray for one more miracle, but can’t help but for us, stop and just say thank you. So I’ll live vicariously through your journey and hope for an amazing outcome! Congrats on the milestone of saving up for it and good luck! Can’t wait to follow along!
A HUGE congratulations to you for making those sacrifices and getting those backsplashes done! Thank you for this post, I have definitely found myself struggling with the “I can’ts” lately.
I am amazed by the two of you: your determination, your drive, your commitment to family and life in all its splendour. You have an outlook on life that is very refreshing. Praying that this will be a successful journey for the four of you and that your girls each get a brother! Cause twins are magical.
Contratulations on reaching your goal. Best wishes and I will be following you in the weeks ahead as you start the journey. Love the backsplashes. You guys do amazing work. Prayers that this journey will come out with blessings.
i think a lot of ‘i can’ts’ come from being tired!!! am i right?!?!?! life is freakin hard and we just get worn down and beaten up and its easier to say i can’t than to fight because we feel we just don’t have it in us. so thanks for the kick in the butt pep talk!!! cause this monday is sucking for me!!! lol im gonna kick life it the privates and rock this day!!! and i hope and pray that this round of ivf sticks (pun intended) and you get another beautiful baby!!! good luck and i will follow you thru the whole process! GO BABIES GO!!!!
Amen to being tired!! Thats mostly where my “I can’ts” come from…just so stinkin’ tired! I’d love to have half the energy I see in some people. 🙂
I hear you.
I understand you.
I want to cry with you.
I want to celebrate with you.
We love you and are praying for you!
KK
Good luck! Will be praying that everything goes well and the outcome is good!
Love you guys! No matter what everything will be just as it should be! I’m wishing you all the best in luck, love, patience and hope.
So excited for you!! Praying for you all.
This is an amazing post – congratulations!
GOOD LUCK with your process…!! Sending you good mojo along the way…!!!
I wish you lived here so you and Nick could do my backsplash…!! They are awesome…!!!
As you have many times before, you have inspired me with your words. You are just an amazing person and I feel blessed to have the glimpse into your world and seeing the girls grow up. I look forward to keeping up with the new adventures. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I pray that everything goes as well as the first time, if not better! Thank you for sharing this with us, your positive attitude and outlook are just what I needed today.
Praying for you guys, Beth! I needed these words of encouragement this morning, so thank you! I CAN do what I set my mind to!
Loving your blog , Praying for you guys in your Journey ahead . LOv ya Bethany and Family
Great post! Congrats on the completed backsplashes. I’ll be thinking of you all in the weeks to come!