The title of our blog ‘Sawdust and Embryos’ is a reflection of two things that define our lives. Sawdust represents our creativity, carpentry, design, craftiness, etc. And the Embryos? Embryos represent an affliction that doesn’t define us, but absolutely has played a pivotal roll in our marriage, our family… our life. While trying to remain sensitive to our infertile readers, our little miracle baby girls are our world. And we want to shout it from the rooftops! But at the same time, infertility still lurks in the crevices of my heart. I hurt for my friends and family members that have unfairly been stricken with this affliction. Research shows that someone suffering from infertility has similar psychological effects as someone diagnosed with a terminal illness.
I was wasting time on Pinterest last night while Nick watched something uninteresting on TV, and I noticed that someone had pinned our Pregnancy Announcement Video. At first I was flattered that someone enjoyed it enough, or possibly was even inspired enough by our story that they felt compelled to pin it. Then I noticed that LOTS of people had REpinned it. And then I noticed a comment someone left on the pin. This is what it said:
‘whatever… it doesn’t happen for everyone’.
My first reaction was to feel defensive. How dare this person assume that it was so easy for me? She didn’t have a window into my immeasurable devastation and anguish. She didn’t see me working 90 hours a week, shoveling horse manure in subzero temperatures, crying and whispering under my breath ‘it’s for the baby’ while we saved for InVitro.
And then I felt really sad. Her comment is exactly what I would have said two years ago. I’ll be the first to admit that, although we always hear the wonderful success stories, for some people, it truly never happens for them. They struggle in silent unspeakable pain. Years go by. Tens of thousands of dollars are wasted. And those poor women grow old with an empty womb, empty arms… a permanent ache in their heart. This is an unspeakable tragedy. Every woman should be able to feel little fingers wrapping around her own, little footsteps in the kitchen, fingerpaint all over the walls.
I like to think that our story encourages and inspires others to FIGHT! But I know for some, our story is ‘just another success story that happens to someone else’. And those are understandable feelings. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this… but I wanted to make it known that this issue still weighs heavily on my heart. Please be compassionate and understanding when encountering a struggling friend. Their pain is raw and real.
|Image found here
I know I’ve talked about this before on the blog, but I wanted to share some important etiquette for those that have a friend struggling with infertility. You may think you’re being encouraging, when in fact you’re causing more pain. The following article was found here.
Don’t Tell Them to Relax