So I’m standing in line at Walmart on my lunch break, with very limited time. But I’m in the express lane… no biggie, right?
Well after standing there admiring Katherine Heigl’s great skin for about 10 minutes, I realized that the line wasn’t moving AT ALL. I started really paying attention to the happenings at checkout, trying to determine what the problem was. It was at this point that I realized, the woman working checkout was well over 100 years old. And had I not been in a hurry, I probably would have thought she was completely adorable. But her mouth kinda looked like that of Cinderella’s Stepmother (you know what I’m talking about). And literally, she would scan each item, and only put one item in each bag, then she would double sack it and carefully tie the handles together on the inner sack. And between items, she would thoughtfully consider which item to scan next. It was only a matter of time before I was going to commit a crime.
Finally, it was my turn, and I smiled kindly… and let the lady know that she could put ALL 3 of my small items in the SAME BAG. She looked at me, expressionless and said, ‘you don’t want me to do that, because your food item should never mingle with the non-food item.’ After realizing that I would be more likely to save time by agreeing than pushing it, I complied and thanked her for being so thoughtful and caring for my well-being. I tried hard to work up a fart to help expedite things, but I haven’t perfected my farting-on-demand skills, and was unsuccessful.
After paying, Lady Tremaine took a brief moment to outline my savings on the receipt, as well as educate me on their current sweepstakes.
Then it was over. And I fled the store.
As I sped back to work, I chowed down my bag of Combos, all the while thinking about what a disaster it could have been if my Combos had mingled in the same bag with my pantyliners. The results could have been so devastating.