Being able sleep late does not provide comfort to someone who has always dreamed of being a parent. Your hectic life making memories sounds pretty good compared to an empty house wondering if you will ever be a part of “first steps”, soccer games, watching your child graduate. Would you tell someone who just lost their home how lucky they are now that they don’t have a lawn to mow?
3. “Maybe you aren’t meant to be a mom/dad.”
Do you notice all the abusive, neglectful, drug-addicted parents out there? Do they ‘deserve’ to be parents??? Enough said.
Do you ask this of ‘fertile” couples? Why not? Many people dream of having a child that is biologically related to them, to experience pregnancy, and birth. Many infertiles become parents by adoption, but adoption is not easy or inexpensive. It is it’s own difficult journey.
I just stumbled upon your blog today via your TP post (I have no idea how, hehe) Anywho..I feel your pain, not so severely as your going through right now but I understand now what its like to be “infertile” I have a 5 year old son whom we’ve been trying to give a sibling to for 4 years now. After 2 miscarriages and 2 ectopic pregnancy’s I have had to have both of my tubes removed. I have unexplained secondary infertility, whatever that means. Lots of my girlfriends and female family members are on their 2nd and 3rd pregnancy’s and my heart breaks each time I hear about their news.
So we also have a baby fund, slowly growing but getting there. I too hate it when people say totally dumb things to you about not being pregnant. I hear “Well at least you have a child” or “you should be happy with what you’ve been given” Women with 3 children have said these things to me… I feel like asking them, well how about I take 2 of yours away, you should be happy with what I’ve left you with.
I have been blessed with my beautiful son and I am very happy to be his mom, but my want of a big family still weighs on my heart.
You guys will get there and you’ll be a great mom, I know I dont know you but I feel in in my bones:-)
Thanks for the tips — it IS hard to know what to say… although I hope I’ve never said any of the “NOT” ones!
great post beth!!!!! now if only the whole world would read it and take it to heart 🙂
Sharon T. says
What a wonderful blog–very well said. I heard several very hurtful lines after miscarrying: “You can try again” or “There was probably something wrong with the baby anyway” and also, “You shouldn’t have told people the news so soon.” These rate right up there along with the ones you listed regarding fertility! Glad to see your fund has grown to 1/3 of what you needed! You’ll reach your goal soon.