I’m the stranger who touches your pregnant belly in the grocery store

In my circle of mommy friends, I often hear them lament about how intrusive and violating it is when a stranger (or even friend or family member) touches their pregnant belly out in public. I get it, but personally I’m more inclined to freak out on a stranger if they try to put their filthy germ-infested mits on my already-born baby. But to each their own!

My whole life, whenever I would see a pregnant mama walking in the grocery store, I would politely keep my hands to myself. But my inner dialogue was ‘AWWWWWW BABY!’

Until I got married and wanted a family of my own… and couldn’t.

Then my feelings toward pregnant women in public turned to anger, jealousy, and gut-wrenching inexplicable grief. These are feelings I’m not proud of, but I felt them just the same. Those days were the darkest of my life. ‘Why her and not me?’ or ‘Does she even WANT to be pregnant?’

If you’ve read our fertility story, you know we’re one of the lucky ones. We have 3 beautiful girls conceived via IVF, and could not be more grateful. We know this isn’t the ending for everyone struggling with infertility. And when I was pregnant, I was SO PROUD of by swelling abdomen. I wanted everyone to notice that I WAS {finally} PREGNANT! If someone took the time to smile at me, or pat my belly and say ‘there must be twins in there’, I would beam with pride.

Yes, yes there are twins in there. And I worked really really hard to get them in there.

Since then, when I see a pregnant mama, I want to fist bump her with solidarity. I want to telepathically tell her ‘you got this mama!’ or ‘you can do hard things!’. I want to be her friend and invite her over for playdates. I feel a kindred spirit toward the mama growing a sweet babe.

But recently, I’ve felt a shift in my perspective again.

I was grocery shopping without the kiddos this past week, and I passed by a pregnant mama in the produce section. I felt the undeniable urge to touch her belly… and although I practiced self-control and kept my hands to myself, it startled me that I felt so strongly. As I walked away, I tried to analyze why I felt this way. And I realized… I was just so happy for her.

I was overcome with happiness for the tiny life growing within her. WHAT A MIRACLE life is. What an enormous gift it is to be able to carry a child, provide nutrients, and give life to another human being.

So the next time you’re at the store and a tiny grandma caresses your pregnant belly, remember this… she’s SO HAPPY FOR YOU. And has zero self-control.