I’m all about being real on this ol’ blog. And one thing I wasn’t expecting with parenthood is the pressure to feel like a rockstar-mom. I’ve always taken great pride in how easy my twins are. They’ve always slept through the night, and been easy babies… till recently. And I don’t want to admit my struggles!
In addition to this parental pressure, I have lots of guilt for feeling overwhelmed when I have two screaming babies and haven’t left the house in 13 days. I feel like others expect me to be happy and loving life no matter what… because we won our fertility battle and finally got our little bundles of blessing. I even have trouble admitting my struggles to my own family and friends… even my husband. But here’s the truth, sometimes I feel like I’m going completely crazy, inadequate as a mother… and ugly.
It’s not really as bad as it sounds, and I don’t ALWAYS feel this way. But it’s been a rough week. Paisley has been struggling with acid reflux, and she has a hemangioma that broke open and has been causing her lots of pain. She’s usually my little angel baby… but wow. Crabby CRABBY baby, and understandably so. I’ll be glad if/when we get past this particular stage. Adelyn recognizes her sister’s distress and has decided to take over sissy’s role as angel baby to give me a break. She’s been so pleasant and smiley! Loving it!
I know this post is super negative and whiny… but it’s my blog, and this is my real life. I’m not going to sugar-coat anything! I’m hoping that there are others that identify with my mommy-insecurities and guilt. I am not (and will never be) one of those put-together mom’s whose kids are dressed adorably in non-stained outfits, and herself wears size two designer jeans, always has great hair days and matching undergarments, and brags about how her 1-year-old can count to 20 and fluently speaks several languages. I’m embracing my imperfections, my sweatpants, and my perfectly imperfect family. Take THAT!
My children are all adults, only one left at home and she is a senior in high school. We made it through infant stage with teething, collick, chicken pox (all at the same time). We made it through toddler years with tumbles down the stairs and falls off the swing set. We made it through elementary and middle school, braces, broken bones, hurt feelings because of friends, etc. We made it through high school with driver’s licenses, girl friends, boy friends, parties, peer pressure and we are almost through college with the two oldest and anticipate moving them again to new jobs, meeting new boy friends and new girl friends who could one day be part of our family. Through it all…we stayed humble, stayed together and spent a lot of time just praying. You will make it, it takes work and effort and sometimes you will be overwhelmed, exhausted and beyond frustrated but one day, you will watch them walk across the stage and receive their high school diplomas and as tears run down your face you will wonder “where did that time go?” Bless you!!
I just stumbled across your blog so I’m not so informed on your life but I have to say that admitting you are not perfect is the first step toward a less stressful and happier life. Life gives us enough stress, we don’t need to pile on more self induced stuff too. You don’t fail by staying in your pjs all day, you succeed for getting out of bed. You don’t fail for putting your screaming baby safely in her crib and walking outside far enough from the house that you can’t hear her anymore because if you have to listening to that constant unexplainable crying for another second you will snap, you succeed because you are not on the local news for shaking your infant to death. Before I had children I could never imagine how anyone could do that to their child. Now I have 2 and I get it. Do Not feel guilty for having any bad thoughts about your girls or your husband or yourself. Feel proud that they stay in your head and you don’t act on them. Not a lot of people talk about how hard it is to go from only worrying about your own needs to worrying about the every need of a child (or two in your case) To go from putting yourself first to you come in dead last is a hard thing to come to grips with. Two words of advice from a mama who has been there. 1. Get out of the house. I know it takes a ridiculous amount of energy to pack up 2 infants and leave the house, but your sanity will thank you. Get out! and 2. Join a book club or bunko team or anything that will get you out of your house, by yourself, atleast once a month. To be the best mommy you can be you MUST make time for yourself. Schedule it!
Raising children is the hardest job in your life that you never get to retire from. Small children, small problems. Big children, big problems. However, raising children is the most rewarding, heart-stopping, loving, giving, job you will have! It doesn’t matter what you wear, how you look or even how you smell! What does matter is that you are their mother and will always be there for them! Don’t be so hard on yourself. We’ve all been through it. Hang in there; it gets better
I don’t usually comment, but give your self a break lady. You just had twins, take it one day at a time, enjoy it while you can. But if you need to walk around the house while babies cry do it. Fresh air works wonders. It’s all normal what your feeling, deep breath. You take care. Mary
I too have been reading your blog and never commented till now, but I also write a private blog for my family and friends (because we too went through the invitro process and now have an 8 month old little girl!) and about once a month I have one of these posts. It’s normal! It’s healthy! No one prepares you for the reality of parenting. I think more women need to be honest like this. This is what motherhood really is, don’t let anyone fool you! Also, having gone through this process as well, I think there is a lot of “guilt” over things sometimes. I remember feeling the same way, but just because we are blessed through having it work, doesn’t mean that we can’t complain!!!! It makes it all seem better – that and wine.
I always think my children have no hope because of my imperfections yet, how will they learn if they live in a perfect world? Throughout all of the imperfections though my children know they are loved and one of the most precious gifts I could ever receive. Continue to follow you instincts.
Not sure where you go for a doctor, but when we were in Marshalltown the pediatrician said my son’s reflux was in my head. So, at the age of 9 months he was losing weight, would only eat 1/2 of a small jar of baby food and 2 ounces of formula and refuse to eat anymore. We continue to struggle to this day with his eating at the age of 28 months and 24 pounds.
My mom always said that the years when she was home with little kids were the hardest and loneliest of her life, and I definitely agree that they are tough! It always helps to talk about it, because usually someone is right there with you or has another issue going on that makes you thankful you’re not dealing with that! Having inconsolable babies is terribly hard! Try to give yourself a break sometime and let someone else be there for them for a little while while you take a walk (or a shower:)). I think we moms think we have to do everything all the time or we’re not doing our job, but we do it better when we get a break now and then. Hang in there. This too shall pass!
I have been quietly reading your blog for quite some time now…but I haven’t ever commented…till now!! I was touched by how honest your last post was and I just want to encourage you to keep doing what your doing! I obviously have never met you, but from what I read your babies are SO lucky to have you and your husband as parents!! As a mother of 4 children I will be the first to tell you that there are times when I don’t even want to get out of bed because I am just feeling overwhelmed, I totally know how you feel! Sweatpants are definitely my ‘BFF’ most days 🙂 My children are 13, 11, 8 & 6 now and I look back at those days of full of spit up, colicky crying, and post partum depression and wonder how we ever got through…but we did and so will you 🙂 I’m so thankful that God gives us the strength to face everyday! Will be praying for you!
Hang in there! You’re not alone…being a mom is the toughest job out there so take some time for yourself. If hubby can handle the kids, make a Sonic run or Starbuck’s run. Something. Just get a few minutes to yourself. Oh, and I say stay in PJs for as long as you can. 🙂
Thanks for “keeping it real”..I think you can see by now, you’re no where near alone!:)
I think all Moms struggle with different issues, and I think there’s no such thing as a Mom that never struggles with something, at some point.
Enjoy the babies, and don’t ever feel bad for those times when it’s really not so much fun..
Twins are not easy. My first set were born in Detroit, at a time when preemies (twins are notoriously premature) were visited weekly by a city nurse. She also had twins as first babies.
I was hugely depressed because of the nighttime alertness of the babies. And would daydream of the aquarium, how they would fit in it, all to the stereo wail as I sat in the LR trying to take care of them, half asleep, at 3am.
I was devastated to have such daydreams! I told the nurse. She told me her twins were born in February, and HER daydream was the snow bank under the window of her apartment.
She then went on to explain that ALL mothers get daydreams like this. All mothers get upset and frustrated. The difference is that good mothers accept that this is normal and go on doing the best they can.
So you are normal Congratulations.
AMEN!
Your girls are beautiful!
Been there done that. As my mom used to say, ” This too shall pass”. And it does. Love your blog and your family!
You are doing the hardest (and most important) job there is. Sometimes being a mom can be very isolating when you feel like everyone around you has it all figured out and you don’t. The ones who look so put together feel just the same inside, whether it looks that way or not! I have three girls–14 and 10-year old twins. Things get much easier as they get older although there is always something! 🙂 I still struggle with doubts about being a good mom! I think it really helps to admit to each other that it’s not easy and we can’t do it all. You’re doing a wonderful job with your girls!
I never miss your blog on Friday. I love the weekly pictures.
I feel you agony. I have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and a 20 month old. There are days that the four of us never get out of our p.j.’s, we go days without getting out of the house. It is finally getting to the point where I feel less scatter-brained. I finally can keep the house under control. You don’t have to be super mom, just be the best you that you want to be.
For real – you just put into words what I think in my head every. single. day. I used to wonder how my sister (who has THREE children) could go more than a day w/out a shower. This morning I realized I’d gone nearly three. Sorry if that’s gross. It just happens every once in a while. I get so busy taking care of breakfast for the little man, then it’s time to change a dirty diaper then a nap (for both of us) then lunch, then play then more nap and house cleaning then the daddy is home and I’m passing off the little just as fast as I can and running for the bathroom not to actually use it but for JUST FIVE MINUTES ALONE. It’s not unusual for me to just sit there with the lid down just enjoying the silence. And then I gather my wits about me and join my boys for dinner. And I just have the ONE baby. Kudos to you for managing with two PRECIOUS little girls! Apologies for too many words (and TMI) for a first time commenter. Love reading your blog. 😀
You are honest & that is most important. Each stage brings a new challenge no matter how much you love your children. It doesn’t get easier. Keep your sense of humor, laugh, take a breath, apologize when you are wrong & love those babies. You are the best mom those girls could have. Give yourself a break. Spray some body spray on put some chapstick on & own it. Enjoy them this age as much as you can it really does go fast.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are human and loved!
Nothing cuter than baby toes!
Just stumbled on your blog and realized that I have spent the last hour or so reading. Funny how the time can get away from you like that. I was so inspired and hopeful from your infertility story as I have been dealing with the same issue. I have not be diagnosed with anything other than unexplained infertility…but it has been an incredibly long road. I am currently going through my 3rd IVF treatment -began injections on Monday and will have my retrieval and transfer next week and after reading your story I am feeling hopeful. Sometimes it is difficult to be hopeful because of all of the disappointment I have gone through in the past 3 years, but I am trying to remain optimistic. Thanks for your story….
Children need to see imperfection in their parents from time to time, otherwise they grow up afraid of failure. When you “lose” it, apologize. When you can, do a little something for yourself. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that the MAJORITY of mothers would admit to this if they were honest. I know very few moms who appear to be always pulled together, and of them, even fewer are! Hang in there. Research has shown that children only need “good enough” parents to thrive. Think about it. ((((hugs))))
awww, you guys are SO encouraging! i’m glad i’m not alone!
I follow your blog but never commented… being a mom is hard no matter the age of kid. Being the mom of twin babies is doubly hard. Don’t apologize EVER for doing the best you can with what you have got. That is all any parent can hope for. Hang on and have a lot of faith that what you are doing is right. With those two things, amazing humans can be formed. And for those mothers who always look perfect – if they look perfect, something else is falling behind. I guarantee it. And those kids who can count to 20 at age two..? by age 7 it all pretty much evens out. Don’t play the my-kid-is-better-than-your-kid game. Celebrate what each kid has to offer and allow them to stand on their own two feet, proudly. That truly, is the best gift you can give them.
I struggle with the same things so much! I worry that I am not a good Mom because Kendall doesn’t sleep or when she throws tantrums, etc. And you know I am not a size 2! 🙂 You’re doing great Bethany. Don’t ever feel judged or looked down upon! You’re raising twins and being a mom is not easy. I’ve learned that being put together isn’t everything…if my family is taken care of and I’ve done all I can for them, I’m a happy woman–a happy women in sweat pants who hasn’t showered in days, I might add! 🙂
And by the way, the girls are looking so big! I love babies in jeans too 🙂
Isn’t it interesting that the majority of the population will admit that pregnancy and childbirth are two of the most difficult and demanding experiences of a lifetime, and yet after the baby (or babies!) are born, you’re supposed to have that whole “motherhood” thing figured out in the first few days? It doesn’t happen that way; don’t feel guilty. I admire you for having the courage to admit that life with littles is far from perfect, it took me a long time to give up that image and admit that while I’m not perfect, I’m perfect for them. Pat yourself on the back, momma – you’re doing a great job. And come on, they sell sweatpants at Victoria’s Secret – obviously, someone, somewhere thinks they’re sexy!
We all have the same struggles as mothers. I’m glad you can embrace your imperfect family. I’m also glad you can be honest on your blog! You are doing a GREAT job as a mother! Keep up the hard work and before you know it, they’ll be out of the baby stage and it will get a little easier (and harder in some other ways;)
Love ya!
Cryst
Preach, sista!! I identify. I, too, am far from perfect, I rarely do my hair, and have had sweatpants taken from me by someone I love because I was capable of better. I try my best to look put together and emotionally stable, but I’m not. I’m finally OK with that.
Miles is not perfect, even though he thinks he is. However, it is a lot more fun to talk about the good. Kudos to you for being honest – especially with yourself!
Most importantly – THANK YOU for the picture of the your BEAUTIFUL BABIES!!! Nothing crabby about that! I miss them (and you and Nick too!)
Can i get an AMEN!!!! Cause Im right there w/ you!!! -amy