I lost 40 lbs in two weeks on the “I Birthed Twins Plan”! Seems like a lot, but I’m only about half way there. 🙂 The funny thing is that, the day after my c-section… I had only lost 8 pounds. Yet both girls together weighed 11+ pounds, not to mention two placentas and two sacs of amniotic fluid had all been removed from my central region. I may not excel at math, but something just doesn’t add up. Pun totally intended.
Happily, however, my feet no longer look like this:
So here I am blogging on the weekend again. I haven’t felt much like blogging lately, but not because I haven’t had time. It’s just really disheartening to still be at the hospital after all this time. The girls have been eating great and maintaining their weight, that’s no longer the problem. A few days ago, we were scheduled to be discharged. But in the middle of the night, a nurse came in our room to tell us that Adelyn had spiked a fever, and they had done blood-work and some sort of culture had been growing a bacteria, suggesting infection… or worse, Meningitis. We had to give permission to do a spinal tap (heart-wrenching for a mom to have to listen to from the next room), which turned up clear. And then they immediately started an IV with antibiotics which have to run their course for one week. Adelyn had an some sort of infection in her GI tract, and though it’s gone now, they have to let the antibiotics run it’s full week-long course, otherwise the infection may come back much worse. So while she’s happy and healthy and eating like a champ… here we are, waiting. Still. Waiting.
But we’re so grateful to have our little peanut’s in our room for much of the time! In fact, Paisley’s been released from the hospital, so we’re starting to actually feel like parents with some responsibility!
It’s easy for us to get all down in the dumps about our situation, but then we remember that we have two healthy beautiful baby girls that we worked hard for. These short weeks in the hospital are a small sacrifice compared to the big picture. Many couples don’t ever get their miracle. Or they do, and then there are far more serious complications. Ultimately, we’re extremely blessed, and will sit in this hospital as long as we need to with good attitudes.
In other news, I have Mastitis, a bacterial infection and a yeast infection on my nipples… FUN! I loath pumping with my whole being. I just want to nurse, but I can’t with the infection… and the girls mouths aren’t big enough to latch anyhow. Everyone says to stick it out for the first two weeks, and everything will get better. Well it’s been two weeks and I’m still miserable. Does that make it ok to give up? Because I’m on the fence here women. I’m lucky if I produce an ounce at each pumping session. I’m just not sure it’s worth it.
Anyhow, that’s the full update. Thanks for thinking of us and continuing to check in. And I apologize for not being more consistent with blogging. I just hate to be Debbie Downer, and that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.
Happy Sunday! Hope you’re having some extra weekend fun for us!
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Related:
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I love the idea of my girls sharing a room; whispering and giggling into the…
Bethany,
My son is 14 now, but after 3 weeks of breast feeding struggles, I too got mastitis. I ran a fever, my breast was red, and the pain horrible. It was at that point I asked my hubby to please buy formula. He was very supportive.
It’s your decision to breast feed or bottle feed.
Congratulation on beautiful babies. You will have many years of wonderful experiences ahead.
Its the hormones making everything worse, don’t give up. Give it a month or two and you will be glad you put the effort in!
I am the mother of two teenagers (15 & 17) – neither or which were breast fed. I also didn’t have enough milk. And I want you to know that it’s okay not to breast feed! Both of my children are exceedingly healthy (as a matter of fact – if our pediatrician wasn’t a friend, I would never get to see him!) Sound like you have wonderful mothering instincts – so follow those and you (and your beautiful family) will be fine.
From Ami A in Louisiana
I’m a proponent of breastfeeding within limits. It is awesome when it works. It is hell when it doesn’t. My first son stopped gaining weight the way he needed to around four months. I pumped, nursed, used blessed thistle/fenugreek, ate as much oatmeal as humanly possible, and drank tons of water to boost my supply. It was awful, and two months later we switched to formula over many tears and a lot of guilt. With my second, he’s had thrush since he was two weeks, he’s four months next week and I’ve had plugged ducts. But it is so much easier this time. Supply issues stink, and sometimes pumping just isn’t effective. You’ve tried, and if you are crying every time you pump then it just isn’t worth it. You should to be able to enjoy every aspect of your babies. There is no need to make feeding such a stressful time.
I’m a mom of 4 and 3 of my kids had difficulty breastfeeding. The first never would latch so I pumped for more than 6 months for him, because I could because I didn’t have other children to care for. The second took 5 weeks of agony and then she nursed like a pro. 3rd had no issues. 4th was dropping a lot of weight, then was readmitted to the hospital at 2 weeks for a UTI and was just not strong enough to get it, so we tried and tried and pumped every 2-3 hours and finally at 7.5 weeks got it and is nursing now more than a year later. It is SO hard. Do what you can, pray hard, call in all your support and prayer warriors and lactation consultants, and cuddle the babes every chance you get. On my 4th, my milk supply had nearly dried up by the time we realized we were in big trouble. Eating oatmeal, drinking a ton, taking lots of naps, making sure to get lots of healthy food, and taking fenu greek supplements really helped me. Each baby and each mama is different. It is such a hard call about whether to keep trying or release yourself from the pressure of it all, without guilt. Hang in there! Blessings!
Oh Beth, I got tears reading your comment 🙁
I posted earlier about my son having a spinal tap and my attempt at nursing. I forgot to add that both of my boys were tongue tied which didn’t help in the nursing dept. Being a first time mom, I had no clue. When my youngest son was born 6 years ago the visiting nurse came to our house and asked me if they (The pediatrician) talked to me about his mouth. I said, no what about it. He was VERY tongue tied and I was too busy admiring my PERFECT child to notice. It was no wonder the poor baby couldn’t latch on. I tried but it just didn’t work. Both of my boys are smart and healthy and I enjoyed them more when I wasn’t stressed. Try not to get discouraged! I loved what the Dr. said about the babies needing a happy & Healthy mom. {{HUGS}}
Congrats to you and Nick on your beautiful little girls! I’m praying for their homecoming. I would have to say that breastfeeding was the hardest part of becoming a mother for me. I went to the classes, I read the books and I always had the image of being a breastfeeding mom. However, when my daughter was born the plans changed. I did not get my milk until she was almost 5 days old, and when it did come in I could not produce enough for her no matter how much I nursed or pumped. I ended up alernating between nursing and then giving her formula. The guilt I felt was overwhelming, and I believe that was what I felt more than “baby blues”. The best feeling ever was when I realized that my baby will still be healthy and actually MORE happy with the fact the she can have a full belly and a happier mommy. Bravo to you for standing up to Ms. Annonymous who apparently must want a breastfeeding trophy. You are already a great mom and the best is yet to come! 🙂
Hang in there! When I had my first baby, it took a while for my milk to come in. When I had my twins, I had TONS of milk, but they were preemies. In other words, it’ll all work out. Thinking of you and wishing you all well!
Bethany, I agree with Pattie…good for you for doing what gives you peace. I’m a huge proponent of breastfeeding but it doesn’t always work, we are blessed to have formula that can give our babies the nutrition they need. Congratulations on your beautiful bundles. My prayers are with you.
Well said Bethany there should be NO guilt tied to whatever decision you make. You will not damage your kids if you dont breastfeed and it is not for everyone. If you are that miserable and not able to enjoy those beautiful babies then things are not the way they are supposed to be. This time should be about peaceful bonding not pain and worry all the time. Everybody is not able to breastfeed and why should any one try to pressure you into that? You are a well rounded educated person able to make choices without the guilt factor. Relax, do as your heart tells you and get to enjoying those babies!!!!
Bethany, I just wanted to say I hear you and good for you for doing what gives you peace. That is really the very most important thing.
With my first daughter, I thought I was nursing her ok, but she wasn’t gaining weight. I was a terrible pumper, too. I tried everything possible, and after two weeks of misery, my pediatrician said, “You know, you can keep breast feeding her and then ‘top her off’ with formula just to be certain she’s getting full.” Bingo. Just knowing I had a back up plan, without completely giving up nursing, gave me such peace I could finally relax and produce some milk!!!
Enjoy those dear babies..
p.s. I am pretty sure you will never find a more polarizing subject on the internet than breastfeeding vs formula–WOWee!!
To the Anonymous woman who compared breastfeeding to infertility:
If a woman came to me after only a few months of trying to conceive, and told me that the pain and heartache of seeing a fertility dr without any guarantee of success was more than her heart could bear… and she and her husband had decided to adopt a child instead, and had peace in their hearts about that decision, I would certainly not fault her for her decision. Adoption may not be as traditional as birthing your own flesh and blood, and it was something I was never interested in. But I wouldn’t be offended that she was “giving up” so easily.
I cry through each of my half hour pumping sessions. The pain is outrageous, and I produce less milk each time. My heart hurts, my breasts hurt, my nipples hurt, and I’m a complete mess.
You may feel like all your hard work was worth it, but I’ve had plenty of women tell me that it wasn’t for them. And it was such a load off their shoulders when they finally gave in to formula, as hard and emotional a decision it was. My girls’ pediatrician told me this morning that my girls will benefit far more from a happy and healthy mom, than one that’s constantly crying and unhappy, only to provide them 1/8th of their nutrition via breast milk.
My life shouldn’t be revolving around desperately trying to breastfeed, it should be revolving around my new, perfect family.
Please don’t leave judgmental comments that are only going to break my spirit more, and make me feel more like a failure than I already do.
Beth
Hi, me again – just read back through your comments & wanted to add that yep keeping hydrated will help with supply, but another important thing is that your body will more or less adjust to the milk demand placed upon it. You’ll tend to produce more milk when more is used (or pumped) so even if you’re not producing a lot now, your body should shift into milk production gear when there’s a greater demand placed upon it. If the pumps aren’t getting much out of you, your body will produce somewhat less. That can change in either direction with milk demand though, so no worries. xoxoxo
Hiya! Follow your blog for furniture and backsplashes, but wanted to pop in to say congratulations and your girls are absolutely gorgeous!
About the pumping: I was a world champion milk producer with my daughter, however almost nothing would come out (and it was painful to get the small bits that did) via pumping. My milk would come out pretty much any time that was inconvenient, embarrassing, messy or unnecessary and soak shits, beds, towels, etc. However the second my breast saw a pump it would shut off like a spigot.
My guess is that once the girls start nursing, everything will even out. You may never be a successful pumper. Some are not. But you may be incredibly successful at breastfeeding directly. As SOON as one of your girls can latch on and your infection is cleared up, start doing it regularly. I don’t know the details on their size, but my peanut was teeny (<6 lbs) and she worked it out somehow and I can’t imagine how I’d have managed if I had to sterilize and transport bottles & formula. It was only the pumping that wasn’t working for me. Hope it’s the same for you!!
I can tell you that it IS worth it! I’ve been a breastfeeding mama for over 2 years now and it hasn’t always been smooth sailing, but it’s been worth every rough patch to have that nursing relationship. I’ve nursed through 4 months of colic. Through 10 ½ months of my daughter nursing 3-4 times a night. Through a difficult transition from 2 to 8 teeth in 2 weeks where for the next few months, every other week I would get cuts and sores from her that would require the entire next week of nursing lying down to protect the sore spots and salt water soaks to heal it up. I’ve survived mastitis 3 times. I’ve nursed through a 2 week bout with food poisoning and 2 cases of the flu where I could barely take in any water or food for days on end. I nursed through 16 weeks of morning sickness. Through a third trimester where every time she latched on the pain was so unbearable I could only last a few seconds of her nursing. I then went on to nurse her AND pump for my newest daughter who spent 58 days in the NICU. Who has a surgically implanted feeding tube and may NEVER figure out nursing (or bottling!). Who is so traumatized by her 5 surgeries that she will barely let me hold her throughout the day. Who has a tracheotomy that requires unique positioning and persistence for me to nurse her at an EMPTY breast post-pumping. Who I am desperately desperately desperately hoping will stop aspirating by her next swallow study in 6 weeks so that I can at least nurse her SOME of the time. But if she doesn’t? It will still be worth it. It will 100% be completely worth it. And I will continue to pump and pump and pump to give her the best nutrition possible because she needs it even more than a healthy baby. I’m not trying to be harsh, but to compare it to your struggle with infertility: Say a woman came to you after trying to conceive for just a few months without success and said she was giving up? That children weren’t worth any more effort on her part? Would you not be outraged? Would you not be so frustrated by all the people that said, “it’s fine. It’s no big deal. Just buy a puppy instead.”? Keep trying. I’m not saying try forever, but your babies deserve more than 2 weeks’ effort from you.
Don’t give up yet. You can do it!
congrats to lil Paisley for being discharged! congrats to Bethany for dropping 40 pounds! Iisn’t the human body amazing??? You guys are handling a LOT right now, especially you mama with the breastfeeding complications, and you are doing a great job with being the best mom you can be right now! your love and dedication to these girls really shows (just through what i read in your blog!). I haven’t experienced all that you’ve gone through, so I can’t give you any advice. All i know is when we seek the Lord and ask for his wisdom and his will, he will reveal it to us. God will lead you to make the best decision for your family. And when He reveals that to you, you can have total peace and not worry what the breastfeeding advocates or formula advocates think,because you know that God led you to that decision, and His way is best. We will keep you and your family in our prayers!
I had to use a shield while breastfeeding since anatomically it just wouldn’t work right and the babies could not latch on without it since they were soo tiny. I never breastfed without it since it was literally physically impossible.
I would suggest giving that a shot if your little ones won’t latch. Medela has one and you can get it at Target if your lactation consultant hasn’t given you one already at the hospital. I only breastfed, mostly while pumping because of the frustration from me and the babies trying to latch, for a month and a half. It helps a TON with the weight loss and of course, it’s the best for your babies, but I personally just couldn’t keep doing it.
I know how tough it is hearing your little baby getting procedures done, it’s the most heart wrenching sound in the world and you’ll never forget that sound, but obviously, if they need it, you just have to be strong and pull through for both of you.
It’s great that Paisley has already been discharged, and it’s amazing that your hospital lets your babies be with you in your room, that was a huge no no at our hospital for NICU babies.
Our hospital has very tight security and all the babies had multiple ID bracelets and a security monitor attached to them so if they reached even a foot near an exit door of the NICU every exit door and elevator in the hospital would lock, an alarm would sound throughout the hospital, and all hell would break loose. It was crazy but pretty awesome to know the security was that tight.
I posted in an earlier message about using the shield for bf. I know alot are against it but my theory is do what works for you and your babies.
Bethany, it took me a month and a half to get to two oz. My daughter was 6 weeks early and wouldn’t establish a latch, too small not to mention they bottle fed her without my consent at first since she was in the observatory and I was unable to go to her since I was on magnesium. The pumping is so hard to get through but it IS WORTH IT! Drink plenty of water, nap when you can, the babies will only be this small for a short time. They need your milk! best of luck, you can do it! Also, the old wives tale, drink a beer it may help!
Hi Bethany, I almost didn’t write my comment because I know what those LLL ladies would say. First of all, I am a registered nurse with 10 years of L&D experience and most recently, 2 years of postpartum/antepartum/nursery experience. I have also completed a lactation educator’s course in my career. Breastfeeding is awesome. If it works for you (and makes you happy). When patients are obviously miserable, crying, guilt ridden for wanting to quit, and looking to me for advice, I ask them, “Do you want my ‘mom’ answer or my ‘nurse’ answer?” You see, the two differ b/c as a nurse I am obligated to encourage {read: “pressure”} you to breastfeed. As a mother, I will tell you I lasted a whole three weeks, was completely miserable/crying all the time, and soooo relieved to finally quit. The guilt I experienced was awful. But, thankfully I also met a lot of supportive woman who shared their stories with me and made me not feel like a failure or a bad mom. Would I try again if I had another baby? Yes. Would I feel like a failure if I didn’t succeed? Absolutely not. That’s because I am now an experienced mother with a different view of the whole picture. Do what is right for you and be proud of what you have accomplished: bringing two beautiful babies into the world! Good luck and God bless!
Hey Bethany, I just read an article by the editor of Parent’s magazine and she pumped for two months before she was able to nurse her little boy. She said it was totally worth it and he was able to nurse even after that long of a time without doing it. I applaud your efforts, know that it is worth it, your girls will be healthier for every little bit you are able to give them.
Nicole Goodwin
Hope things start looking up for you soon! I remember those first few weeks after my boys were born and I too was very down in the dumps…I believe it is a homronal thing so there ya go dont feel bad about feeling bad 🙂 Even though it is a super exciting time and OMG your girls are the most adorable things ever!!!! I have two future dates for them…older men at 2 yrs old 😉 I had the same issues with breastfeeding…i was onlly able to get about 1 ounce out every hour no matter how many “tips” i tried….it jsut want “in” me…literally. After THREE MONTHS of misery and pain and signing my life away to breastfeeding for forty five minutes…then feeding the babes a bottle because my breastmilk wasnt enough- then an hour later having to breastfeed again- i went crazy and quit in a rage. I’m so glad I did. Babes and I were much happier with the formula 🙂 A sane and happy mommy is the most important thing to a baby! So dont beat yourself up ….you’re not the only one to struggle with breastfeeding…..maybe it’s in your future- maybe it’s not..but either way your kids will turn out just great!!! (and tip: I went through a zilllion formulas for the boys….all the fancy expensive ones …which they all spit up- and Walmart brand Parents choice sensitive brand was the one they BOTH spit up the least…..it’s thinner? and i was very relieved at how inexpensive it was too!!!!)
One more thing..congrats on the weight loss and having your feet back!! 😀
I was just going to suggest the glass of beer idea! It’s one I heard a lot when my babies were nursing…although I never tried it because I hate the taste of beer!
I just wanted to encourage you that although you might feel like a downer, you never come across that way! You have the greatest outlook and attitude. And you said it yourself in this post, what you’re going through now is “a small sacrifice compared to the big picture”…such great way to look at life! Keep your eyes on the big picture (and on Jesus:)) and you’ll get through it!!
p.s. Your girls are just lovely….
Hang in there. You have so many things working against you right now. You are not home, the baby blues have hit and you are disappointed in yourself for not producing the milk. Two things I learned nursing my two girls was drink, drink, and drink more water. And two, when you are going to nurse or pump, have a beer or drink a glass of wine. It will relax you and let your milk down. This helped me the first time when I was a new nursing mother. Keep trying and get all the advice you can! You can do it!
And water helps you poop.
Bethany, I was never able to do well pumping. I had mastitis with Rossy (the baby we had before we left), and it was awful. I also had it with our last baby. Make sure you are drinking a lot of water. That’s very important to keep you healthy, increase milk supply and help get that infection out of you. Praying for you and your precious family. FYI…you probably know this, but you are at a place where the blues can hit…plus you aren’t at home. What you are feeling is VERY normal.
much love to you!
Terri
Hey lady! I’m in agreement with all these wise ladies… my philosophy on breast feeding is that you need to do what works for you!
Line up 20 5th graders and tell me which of them are breast or bottle fed… I bet you can’t. 🙂 Keep your sanity, you’ll need it, and don’t stress out about it. They are absolutely beautiful! You are already such a great mom! Love, Tina
Don’t get hung up on nursing and don’t let anyone make you feel like you have “failed” if you just can’t do it…. my daughter tried oh so hard with all 4, yes 4, of her babies and could never get any of them to latch on. She pumped for 3 painful and not too productive months with the first one and less and less with each new baby. She did get each of them that all important “first milk”, but never produced enough milk to feed any of them, and not one would latch! The bright side is that she had lots of poeple willing to take over feedings for her. Daddies and Grandparents love to get in on the feedings too! Don’t be down on yourself and make the decision that is right for you!
Bless your heart!
My little guy had to have a spial tap at 5 weeks old. It’s heart wrenching listening to them scream and you can’t do anything to help them. My son was admitted and put on antibiotics. I sat day and night waiting….I hated every minute of it but knew we were in the best place if something more serious should happen. Hang in there!
I have heard mastitis is NO FUN but thankfully I didn’t have to go thru that. On the other hand, I wasn’t able to produce enough for 1 baby (let alone 2) and beat myself up over it. I would nurse him and an hour later he would be screaming. The lactation cons. told me that if I pumped it would speed up my milk supply. No such luck! They say breast milk is the best but formula has come a long way. Try not to get too discouraged and hang in there. We’ll be thinking about you!
Mastitis is no joke. I had it with both of my boys and actually twice with my youngest. Some people just don’t produce anything when they pump, I am one of them. Pumping and actual nursing are so different. If you have the patience and the will to continue to pump until the girls can nurse then keep going. If you decide to just go straight to formula that is ok also. It has to be a decision that only you can make. But don’t let trying to breastfeed make you absolutely crazy. You can try mothers tea or fenugreek pills. Those help with supply. Good luck on your decision.. just know that whatever you choose will still be the right one for you.
I just emailed you!
Thanks Kelly! And actually, the hospital is very pro-breast-feeding, and have been really helpful with my issues. They have several lactation consultants that we’re on a first name basis with! It just doesn’t seem worth all this mess to produce so little. What are some things I can do to increase my supply? That’s one thing they haven’t mentioned here at the hospital.
Hi Bethany! It sounds like you are going through a lot right now! It will be so much better once you get those sweet girls home! I would encourage you to get in touch with a La Leche League leader in your area if there is one, they can offer you the support you need to get through this patch. I am an LLL leader, and if you want to email me, please feel free! My email is kellisima[at!]hotmail.com.
You can look up local LLL groups at http://www.llli.org.
You are dealing with a lot of issues right now, but if you are committed to nursing these girls, you CAN do it! You just need some support. There are things to do to increase your supply, and I am happy to talk about it further.
Take Care,
Kelly